Why monsters

I am sitting at the computer, minding my own business, talking with a friend and typing away, when a small voice out of the blue, with a piercing question shot at a sibling, invades my space: "Why?" Every mom I know has, or has had, or soon will have a why monster at their house. This is the monster, whose identity can transfer from one child to another at the drop of the hat, that must know the "why" for everything, in the universe, right now if not sooner. It takes great delight in sucking the free time of everyone in the blast zone by asking the eternal question: "WHY?"

For instance,

"Don't shave the dog."
"Why?"
"Do not, and I mean it, do not close the garage door on my car!"
"Why?"
"Stop eating that paint right now!"
"Why?"
Or, my personal favorite,
"Do not run in front of the deadly moving vehicles!! (Does this one seem as obvious to everyone else?)"
"Why?"

There is no known cure for the Why monster. It appears and disappears without notice and any response you give, including "Why do you think?" is always followed by another "Why?" The unfortunate problem with the Why monster is that, not only is it contagious, it contaminates everything in it's environment. For instance, it turns normal siblings into "MOM!!!" monsters, ordinary moms into "Because I Said So!" monsters, and fathers into elaborate story tellers, which isn't necessarily monstrous, but the stories are guaranteed to get the little Why monster into trouble at school the next day.

It kind of goes like this *

*Any resemblance of the characters in this story to any members of my family is purely coincidental and inadvertent, as all characters in this story are entirely fictional in nature. Really!! Especially since anti-box comments tend to originate from the Mom monster.

Sibling: "Why monster, do your homework."
Monster: "Why?"
Sibling: "Because Mom said we both need to do our homework before dinner."
Monster: "Why?"
Sibling: "Because Mom said so!"
Monster: "Why?"
Sibling: "MOM!!!"

Me: "Darling, you need to finish your math homework."
Monster: "Why?"
Me: "Because if you don't, you'll miss recess tomorrow."
Monster: "Why?"
Me: "Because your teacher wants you to show a sense of responsibility and complete your assignments before you play."
Monster: "Why?"
Me: "Because I said so!"

Dad, whose ears are getting tired as the little Why monster starts circling lower for the kill, butts in uninvited and says something like this:
"Because if you don't go to school and complete all of the twaddle the teachers assign you, you won't pass onto the next grade, and if you stay in third grade next year, they give you more twaddle. And if you won't do what they say and do what everyone else does when everyone else does it, how can you grow up to be a properly socially engineered worker drone in the great socialistic/communistic/welfare state you're being programmed for? Don't you know better? You're not supposed to think for yourself. Just pipe down and do your twaddle...I mean, homework!"

Why Monster: Look of utter delight. Thinks quietly to self, "What great words to try out at school tomorrow!! Wonder who'll field this ball?" Quietly pretends to finish homework, smoke coming out ears as wheels turn inside original little brain, full of fun-filled plans for the Next Day.

Next Day:

9:05 a.m.: Sound of ringing phone. Individual on other line is an unmistakable, dyed-in-the-wool Establishment Grump Monster.

Establishment Grump Monster: "Mom, do you know what your little monster is saying in school today?"
Me: ( in my best phone operator imitation) "The person you think you are speaking to no longer lives in the real world. Please forward all inquiries to the loony bin. . . ."